Drawing Parallels Of Life From Golf

Last month my nephew Andrew stayed with us enroute back to Singapore after enjoying a trip around the South Island of New Zealand. He told me he had a choice of either flying home to Singapore - where he works - and enduring a six-hour layover in Melbourne airport or stay with 'his uncle' aka me for a few days. Jenny and I were so happy when he chose the latter. The last time we had Andrew stay with us was when he was a young boy on vacation with his family. Andrew, now in his 40's, told us before he arrived that; he just wanted to 'chill' with his uncle and aunt after a hectic month of travelling.

When picking up Andrew from Melbourne airport I noticed his luggage included a golf bag. After a few pleasantries and talking about his trip in New Zealand, while driving to our house, he mentioned that he had travelled light with one backpack, a cabin bag, and his set of golf clubs. My obvious first question was, how much of golf did he play in New Zealand? He mentioned that he played at Jack's Point, Christchurch Golf Club and Dunedin Golf Club. At that time these were only names to me and not knowing much about golf courses that was the end of our conversation about golf, until we got home.

Andrew arrived at our house from the airport

It was a day or two after Andrew arrived when I learnt that there were two things he enjoyed doing when he made his earlier comment about "just wanted to chill." The obvious one was playing golf and the other involved stretching exercises. While the latter was a morning routine he would do by himself, playing golf as a way of 'chilling' was a different story.

By the second day Andrew found his favourite chair in our family room. He would sit there while reading, conversing or being on his digital device. One day while looking up at me he said, "Uncle, I found a nearby golf course. Perhaps we can go there one day?" I guess he must have seen the golf bag in my garage. While I was reluctant to jump at the thought, Andrew did 'soften' the idea by suggesting that we could go to a driving range to have a few hits to see if I would enjoy it. We did drive down to the range that morning and surprisingly I did enjoy the experience.

With a little coaching from him, such as how to grip the club, using clubs more appropriate for me, my stance and how widespread my legs should be, I managed to hit the ball in the majority of cases in a straight line. While the distance was well short of the 100-meter marker, Andrew was full of encouragement. Later that day, after warming up at the driving range we decided to have a go at playing nine-holes of golf at a local public golf course. It was fun and we enjoyed the outing.

At the course for our first round of golf

The next day to Andrew's surprise, but more so to Jenny’s surprise I suggested playing another round of nine-holes before Andrew's departure the following week. This time I thought I would contact my close friend Peter whom I last played golf with eighteen months earlier. We all settled on a day and time.

With my enthusiasm rekindled I approached the tee-off area with confidence. Alas! My first tee-off was so bad that the ball only trickled a few meters from where I was standing. Peter and Andrew were both forgiving and allowed me to play the stroke again. It was much better.

I must say that since Andrew's eight-day stay he has given me a new perspective of golf. He would often say, "Don't worry about the destination, just enjoy the journey." "Just relax", and would add, "There is nothing to stress about." Insightfully he would tell me, "You are not playing against anyone except yourself." Adding that even top golfers have bad days.

Upon reflecting on the two games of golf I played with Andrew, and with Peter, I could see that golf has many similarities to life in general. Here are a few lessons I learnt.

1. Choosing the right clubs.

The first life's lesson for me was the selection of golf clubs. Andrew suggested that I use the clubs that were comfortable for me. I ended using only two main clubs while on the fairway; the 7-iron and the hybrid club, apart from the wedge when my ball ended up in the bunker and putter when the ball was on the green. This reminded me that, while each of us have various skills, it is important that we know our strengths and use our skills or leadership tools appropriately. Apart from learned skills, some human skills include showing others empathy, love, encouragement, discipline, patience, wisdom or kindness. These are tools we should equip ourselves when living life.

2. Focus on your own game.

After the last game with Andrew and Peter, I realized that I had focused too much on trying to keep up with them. I should have instead focused on my own game. As Andrew reminded me before, I’m not competing with anyone else. The mistake we often make when living life is the misconception that we are competing with people around us, our work colleagues, our siblings or having to "keep up with the Jones." We try to copy those who are successful in the hope that it will give us the same results. Golf isn’t about copying someone else’s swing or selecting the same clubs they use. Living life is not about comparisons but growing and developing our own skills and personality which are unique to us. In so doing we achieve the purpose we were created to have in the world.

We can't often choose where the ball ends up

3. Responding to where the ball lies.

There were times when I felt the stroke I played was really good. Especially hearing the clear sound of the “ping” after the swing. However, only to later realize that the ball ended up in a bunker or water. In golf, we often can’t choose where the ball ends up. We try to keep it on the fairway or green. But when it ends up in the rough or bunker, we just have to respond by selecting the right club and get the ball back on to the fairway or green. As in life our positive response to challenges is a hallmark of a well-rounded individual. Such challenges help us chalk these as growth opportunities. Not only for ourselves but our lives experiences can be a lesson for others facing the same type of challenges.

4. Every stroke matters.

Like the first stroke I played when the ball landed only a few meters from the tee, every shot we play in a game of golf will determine its outcome. During the day I found out that Andrew was a better than average golfer and he was keeping a score of his game. As in life, the decisions we make, however small will always have consequences for the long-term. Whether they are habits, the words we use, the company we keep or the choices we make, they all matter in the end. It is said, "Where we are today is the sum of every choice we’ve ever made." So, we need to be wise when making decisions. Entrepreneur Wesam Fawzi said, "The quality of your life is built on the quality of your decisions."

5. There are no shortcuts.

During the second round of golf, there was an instance when Andrew's ball landed near some trees in the rough. I think we all, including Peter and I had at least one occasion when our balls landed among the trees which borders the fairway. While I tried to hit the ball forward through the trees when my ball was in the rough, Andrew in a similar situation took the safer path by hitting the ball around the trees so he could get back on the fairway. Even if it meant the ball did not go too far forward. While this resulted in him getting two strokes over par for the hole - not his best hole - he succeeded in still maintaining a good overall score. It is said that there is a less than 90% chance if someone played the ball through the trees, possibly resulting in more shots to be had. I tried the shortcut and it didn't work. The lesson I learnt that day was, like in golf, there are no shortcuts in life. For example, we can't skip high school before university, we can't be a senior manager until we have learnt the ropes of the business, and we can't lose weight without exercise and a proper diet.

6. No golfer is perfect.

While there are very good golfers, no golfer will say that they've reached perfection. Not even those who have won the Masters or the PGA Championships. All golfers have and will continue to have their balls in bunkers or in the rough at some point. Like in life we all face setbacks and disappointments. The lesson from playing golf is about improving the shot, recovering and not letting the mishap undermine or hinder our growth. Another golfing tip shared during our round of golf was our tendency, especially for amateur golfers to over analyze our swing causing mistakes to happen. While Tiger Woods is not immune from mistakes, it is reported that he plays what he feels comfortable doing on the day rather than adhering to a strict swing pattern. Woods was also quoted as saying, "Mistakes are part of the game. It's how well you recover from them; that's the mark of a great golfer."

7. Enjoy the moment, the walk, the journey.

One of Andrew’s 'philosophical' statements during our golfing outings was to enjoy the scenery while pushing the golf trolley around the nine-hole course. In life we are often focused on the score or the task we’re doing. We forget the pleasure, the achievements, the relationships with others and the purpose of our actions. Author Greg Anderson once said, "Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it." Having such an attitude nullifies the stress whenever we're having to perform a challenging exercise. I am sure if I was less stressed before teeing-off I would have heard more "pings" off my golf club and hitting more 100-meter straight drives down the fairway. Even if I didn't make 100 meters, I would have still enjoyed the moment.

Walking along the fairway enjoying the company and scenery

8. In life patience is a virtue, so too in golf.

Golf is a game of patience. I've come to realize that it's not a rushed sport. It's very evident when you notice people teeing off. Some go through a 'ritual' at the tee while others seem to take their time in assessing their stance, the wind and their intent to drive their ball. They may practice a few air strokes and will only play the ball when they are ready. Golf rewards calm thinking more than rushed action. Having said that, golf also has a set of etiquette rules, e.g. not being so slow to impact the playing groups following. Like life itself, while patience produces better outcomes than pressure, life always puts constraints on what we are doing. We just need to be cognizant of our surroundings.

9. Finish stronger than you started

After playing two rounds of golf, I found myself improving my shots and score towards the end of each nine-holes. It could be that the practice, the encouragement and coaching alone the way helped me improve my technique as I progressed through the course. In life too it is not defined by how we start, but how we faithfully keep going and end. Along the way it is important that we surround ourselves with people who will cheer us on, encourage us and provide advice along life's journey.

10. The difference between life and the game of golf.

One last aspect when using the game of golf as a metaphor for life. While we will have many occasions to replay the nine or eighteen holes of golf, we only have one opportunity to live this life granted to us. We don't have a second chance to relive our lives. In other words, we can't go back to the first hole to replay our shots. Knowing this I have modelled living out my Christian faith on the words of the apostle Paul, "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:14). He also said, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course" (2 Timothy 4:7). While it will not be a championship green jacket I will receive in eternity, it will be what Scripture refers to as receiving "heavenly crowns."